Let me just start by saying I have had a terrible day. All I have wanted to do is sit down and rant. Just get everything that I am feeling out. I am having so many issues right now that I cannot even process them all correctly.
I want to talk about school first. I HATE SCHOOL. I hate everything about it. I feel so stupid. I know I'm smart, I just can't seem to get the hang of anything these days. I am mainly talking about Math. I have good grades in Public Speaking and English. I just burnt my entire mouth on hot soup. CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?!? But, back to math, I took PreCalculus my senior year and passed with a freaking B. Then I go and take my placement test for community college and completely fail the math part. I was/am so embarrassed. I guess I got so caught up in doing all that complicated math that I forgot how to do easy math. I thought once I got in the class it would be like a review and I could breeze on through. That is definitely not the case. I am doing absolutely terrible. I try the homework and get every single flipping question wrong. It's like no matter how hard I try I just can't get it right. So, I finally decided I needed some help that my teacher obviously wasn't going to give me. I called my friend, Shelley, who is a math genius and I have been working with her. After working with her everything started to make sense and I thought I finally had the hang of it. The next Tuesday I went to take a Mid Module Quiz. I was really relieved at how easy it was, I thought for sure I was going to pass with an 85 or higher. When I clicked submit it showed me my grade, 40. WHO MAKES A 40 ON SOMETHING THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE DOING RIGHT?!?! So of course, my sorry ass teacher decides to go over everything with me and he starts telling me everything I'm doing wrong and made me feel like crap. So I started crying and left school. WHAT A BABY. I'M IN COLLEGE. COLLEGE GIRLS DON'T CRY!!!! I still had two classes left that day, but I went home and cried and went back to sleep. I haven't been back to class since. I have missed 3 consecutive days in math. I'm lucky attendance doesn't count in that class. I have decided it is time for me to put my big girl panties on and just deal with it. I'm going to study my ass off so that I can get done with this class ASAP. If I have to do math for an hour every day to finish and understand, I WILL. I will also add that it is very hard to get up and do math at 7:25 A.M.
The next thing I can't seem to stop feeling so guilty about is eating right and exercising. I know I'm not fat, but I have definitely been gaining weight. My problem is I go for whatever is convenient, not what is good for me. Which usually mean I eat fast food all the time. Not only is that hurting my body, it's hurting my wallet. I just can't seem to stick with any certain routine. My dad bought me Zumba Fitness Core for the Kinect as an early birthday present because he knew I loved it but never have time to go to classes. I was super excited when he bought it because I figured it would make me want to workout and get active. The problem is the dances are REALLY hard. I can't keep up with the song long enough to even get a workout. I mean yeah, my heart is about to pound out of my chest, but thats about it. I'm never sore the next day like I usually am or anything, so I know I'm doing something wrong. Hopefully I will get the hang of it sooner or later instead of just giving up when I get frustrated.
I have noticed that I am a quitter. When something doesn't go my way or isn't easy enough for me, I quit. I don't know why that is. I guess I would rather stop halfway or not even start at all because I'm so afraid of finishing and being a failure.
I'm also a worrier. I worry about every damn thing under the sun. Why? Who even knows. Anytime I think about transferring the UNCC and actually starting to become a Dietician/ Nutritionist I start stressing out. I get so worried that it's going to be really hard and I'm just going to give up like I do with everything else. This is so much more serious than a stupid art project though, so I really hope I take it seriously.
I need to practice on focusing on the future and how awesome it will be when I finally have a college degree. If I keep my eyes set on the prize, it will all be worth it. Sometimes I wish someone would just grab me by the face and be like, "JADE, CHILL OUT! GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU!"
I had other things I wanted to talk about but I will save them for next time!
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